taylor. montclair state university. actress. originally from connecticut. currently in a wonderful relationship with a beautiful girl
(i don't know)
I’m really, really happy with my life right now. Really happy.
My college program is absolutely amazing. It’s intense and it’s really hard and it pushes me and stretches me and I can tell I’m really learning and growing as an actor, and it’s only been a month. The people here are really, truly great people and I am so happy I get to spend the next four years with them.
My family just got a new apartment and we are in the process of moving. Our old place was so poorly taken care of. Our land lord basically gave up years ago. We’re going to have heat and hot water again, which almost doesn’t feel real.
I am so very, very in love. Amanda means the world to me. She is my voice of reason, my rock. She loves me in a way I never thought I’d be loved. It’s amazing. I love her with absolutely everything I have. She’s the greatest partner I could ever want in a relationship.
Of course there are some not so great things in my life right now. But, all in all, I’m a pretty lucky girl right now.
The day I became ashamed of my body,
it was in 5th grade during a dance party.
The ever so critically acclaimed Ying Yang Twins were blasting in the background
I felt my heart become a tambourine,
my thighs bongos,
this body a symphony
and I started doing the original and definitely more innocent form of “twerking”
and I danced until I felt my knees become unhinged bolts
and decided to move out of the circle
until my arm was met with the anaconda grip of my classmate’s hand,
“Get back in there, bitch, and do it again” he tells me
as if I was some sort of trained zoo animal.
And this was the day I realized that maybe I was too woman for my own good.
Nine years later,
a male co-worker of mine tells me if I was the physical embodiment of a word
it would be “temptation.”
That men can pick up on this scent of naive in me
That my ass is trigger warning
These thighs spell out invitation
These breasts are hills meant to be conquered.
That this body is just a feast waiting for the devouring.
They don’t know it has already been covered in unwelcoming hands once before.
“With a skirt and ass like that you must want it” is all I can hear in my head most nights when I walk home from work.
This womanhood is no small thing to bear
with its backbone built on suffering
it is a difficult task to learn how to walk straight again with every day.
To not associate this gift from god with statistic
To not confuse femininity with slaughterhouse.
I know I am supposed to feel ugly
I know this mouth is supposed to be mime to your opinions and rape jokes
That this is all a circus act,
and I, in reality, am just dark lipstick, tight clothes, skin, and bones making magic out of nothing for you.
Dying with a smile and swallowing panic attack whenever any man catcalls at me on a street corner
or whose stare lingers for longer than I’ve asked for.
I am so tired of this body being excuse for changing the blame
That I bring out this animalistic instinct in men
So bring me all the beasts with teeth like machetes
Hunting in packs like wolves
I am not afraid anymore
Continue to pick up on this scent of naive in me
Continue to let my ass be trigger warning
Let these thighs spell out invitation
Let these breasts be hills meant to be conquered.
Convince yourself this body is just a feast waiting for the devouring.
I dare you to eat me alive.
I will cut my way out of the underside of your bellies.
I am not afraid anymore for
I am never too woman
for my own good.